The George Clooney of Dogs

I recently wrote about dog training, so I thought I’d better write about a much more important topic – human training. How is a dog to go about training his human(s)? It is, of course, vital that every canine learns how to do this, as it will result in a more comfortable, pampered life. So, I’ve decided to share some tips, and here’s the first in a series.

A major starting point for training humans is both in the way you look, and in the way that you look at them. The key is to put on your most cute face, and try to look innocent at the same time. If like me, you’re the George Clooney of dogs, this is very easy. But if you have the sort of face that looks like it’s been in an accident, you may have more of a challenge on your paws. Having said that, if you have a face that only a mother could love, and your human Mum chose you, then she must love your face. So, if that’s the case, try to major on the ugly. You could try grimacing somewhat (to make this easy, think of the last time you were made to have a bath), and I really recommend long strands of drool hanging from your mouth – that really piles on the “characterful” look in spades.

If like me, you’re really handsome, then you need to work with your natural style. Although I have the attractiveness of George Clooney, my hairstyle is more like Bob Geldof’s. So I emphasise that. It suits me and has all the human ladies swooning. Beware, though, if you have a Dad like mine. He often tries to smooth down my hair so as to try to make me look smart (he’s the sort of man who uses a comb every day, you see – at least he still has hair, even if he is old). My view, however, is that you can look smart and sophisticated without having every hair smoothed into place. So if my Dad does his smoothing bit, I immediately shake myself as hard as I can, and then go for a roll on the floor somewhere. That puts everything back out of place, and not only do I feel better, I look fantastic.

I mentioned that it is not only about the way you look, but about the way that you look at your humans. I have carefully cultivated a relaxed, innocent, butter wouldn’t melt in my mouth sort of way of looking at mine. I just relax my features, think blank thoughts, and Bob’s your uncle. It gets them saying “Aaaaaah” in that soppy way pretty quickly, and before you know it, you are being showered with strokes, cuddles, treats, food, and other things that a dog loves.

So there we have what I believe is the key to the whole business of how to get your humans to do what you want: look cute, and look at them cutely. In later posts I will share with you other steps you can take beyond this in order to achieve your goal of an obedient human.